Musings on hospitality...

[ellid]

Since I'll be traveling a bit over the next few weeks/months, I've been thinking a bit about hospitality, and the responsibilities of the guest and the host. Some of this obviously applies more to private residences than rentals/hotels, but still.



1. The place where one's guests stay should be reasonably clean and tidy. If there is a reason for it to be otherwise, then they'd better be *very* close friends.

2. If one is a professional host (i.e., a hotel), then the facilities must be as described.

3. Quiet is good.

4. One must do one's best to accommodate one's guests preferences in terms of food, time alone, and suchlike.

5. If the guest is tired and cranky, then the host should make every effort to assist in alleviating this condition.





1. Leave the guest space, whether paid for or not, in reasonable condition. This means stripping the bed, folding the blankets, not using all the hot water, etc.

2. If one is in a hotel, tip the chambermaid. Always.

3. Unless the conditions are truly unbearable, find the best of the situation. Hosts are human, too.

4. Do not take the towels, ashtrays, etc. They are NOT part of the room fee, and you are not entitled to take them. Theft is theft, period.

5. If one is staying in a private home, offer to pick up at least one meal during one's stay, or buy some groceries, or even set the table. Every little bit helps.



1. Theft. This means not only material goods, such as towels, sheets, etc., but more personal possessions such as jewelry, mementos and books, or living creatures such as pets or (God help us), significant others. Don't laugh. I've seen it happen.

2. Entitlement. Being in a private home does not give one the right to leave messy towels about, order the host to provide meals and entertainment, or sulk if everything does not go one's way.

3. Backbiting. Criticizing one's hosts behind their backs is the height of rudeness if one has stayed in a private home. What might be a public service when it comes to a hotel is unspeakably rude in this circumstance.

4. Breaking the house rules. If one stays in a non-smoking hotel room or a smoke-free house, don't smoke. If hot water is at a premium, don't take a three hour bath. If there's only one bathroom, don't read War and Peace. If someone is trying to work, don't start a conversation/laugh loudly/insist on being the center of attention.

5. Being the Ugly American/Guest. This is especially true in foreign countries, but it applies everywhere. Loud, obnoxious, nasty people will make enemies, not friends, wherever they go. Quiet, polite, accommodating people will have a good time no matter what.

I realize that I haven't always lived up to these ideals, but God willing I've learned....

Comments

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

one of my housemates' parents have been visitng from india. For the past two and a half weeks.

They aren't leaving for another week.

[ellid.livejournal.com]

To quote Benjamin Franklin:

"Fish and visitors stink after three days.*


*hug*

[egalite.livejournal.com]

word. that's why i don't like to stay for longer than a weekend at a friend's house.

[peregrinning.livejournal.com]

Considering the effort it takes to visit from India, and the expectations of that country, I think rules are different.

I spoke to a grandfather from India, visiting his children and grandchildren at my condo complex. When I asked how long he was here, he said "four months so far. We'll be here for another two months."

While my mind boggles at this, I suspect my mind would think differently if my parents were halfway around the world, and couldn't afford to travel.

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

It's not that we don't like them (we do, they're nice) and it's not like I'm unsympathetic to the logistics ofvisiting from across the globe, but it's not a huge apartment. We already have FIVE people living here. We'd like to be able to use our kitchen, and not have people talking loudly at 7 in the morning.

Plus he told us it would only be for two weeks. And we had one of his cousins here for a while, too.

And it's not a huge apartment.

[peregrinning.livejournal.com]

Yeah, sympathy doesn't count for much when people are talking loudly at 7 in the morning, and changes get made to the plans.

I forget sometimes that personal situations aren't the same as general concepts...

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

I sent you an email ;)

[jedirita.livejournal.com]

How much are you supposed to tip the chambermaid? And do you leave a tip every day, or just at the end of your stay?

I've never known. This is why I loathe tipping, because I don't understand the rules. Also, I think the employer should be paying their workers, not me.

[ellid.livejournal.com]

I usually leave a dollar for each day that I stay, just before I check out. Chambermaids are paid so poorly I don't mind.

[loosecanon.livejournal.com]

Please tip each day. Often it is a different worker who does the job each day, so tipping once at the end rewards one person and stiffs the others.
I agree that employees would be better served by a fair wage, but as long as it isn't happening, I'm not going to begrudge a tip ( which often ensures my property's safety, as well )

[peregrinning.livejournal.com]

A few things to add. Most of these I've learned because I wasn't doing them, and felt uncomfortable. Some, I'm still learning.

When setting up the arrangement, be polite, and be clear about what you're asking for and what you're offering. Don't get caught needing a bed and being provided with a space on the floor.

Remember to discuss allergies before you/they walk in.

After you leave (or in a card left on the bed as you leave), say "thank you."

For some reason, I feel awkward if I don't provide a gift for the host. For some reason, I'm never prepared enough to have a gift to give the host, so I always feel awkward. At least once, the gift became the research idea I provided for another guest of the host.

Communicate well. Do not assume that your plans are their plans until you have discussed the matter. This applies to both host and guest. It also applies to meals, added plans, sleeping arrangements, wake-up times, noise levels, etc. Some things you can just accept whatever happens, but I think it is easier if you communicate well.

Always call if plans change (such as "I'm going to be late"). Make sure you have the host's phone number to ensure you can do this.

[ellid.livejournal.com]

All excellent, especially the hostess gift and/or thank you note.

[briony530.livejournal.com]

Yeah, so when are you going to come stay at my house sometime?

[briony530.livejournal.com]

I wasn't just fishing for the gift...I was also just wondering...

[briony530.livejournal.com]

That's why I always tell people what to expect... i.e. "the bed is spoken for, but there's plenty of floor and an air mattress" or "we have two cats" or "we keep the house cold so please don't hesitate to tell us if you are uncomfortable".

As for the gift, I always think food or beverage is appropriate...a bottle of whatever, a box of chocolates, some good cheese...all of these can be opened and shared to ease the burden of entertaining and encourage conversation.

And for the host/ess...it's the thought that counts. Don't criticize the gift! If you are a screaming diabetic, you will have no problem finding someone else who appreciates the wine or chocolate!

[tena524.livejournal.com]

And an added note on gifts to guests: If you bring food/drink as a hosting gift, do not be offended if it is not immediately opened and offered back to you, particularly if your host(s) are serving you a meal planned in advance. If you're offering a gift, it is just that. If you brought something specifically to share, say so, preferably in advance, and don't confuse it with a gift.

This one came up some years ago with someone my step-daughter invited for Thanksgiving one year... Apparently I unwittingly irked the heck out of the fellow because I didn't serve the bottle of wine he brought with the turkey. It was handed to me on arrival, with the comment that "This is for you". Sounded like a gift to me, so it went in the wine rack instead. Some weeks later, I get grief from stepdaughter over my supposed rudeness. A brief educational conversation then ensued...

[ellid.livejournal.com]

Yeppers. I think that rule appears in Emily Post, of all places...or, why the only food gifts I've ever expected to be consumed immediately are the bags of catnip I brought back from Pennsic for Una's cats. I'm not sure we could have kept Karet from devouring them anyway, plus seeing her basically freak out was hilarious. :D

[briony530.livejournal.com]

Yep, what she said!