Thank yous

[ellid]

To everyone who replied to my post yesterday. I really appreciate it, and I hope I can reply in some way should the need arise.

As for me tonight...quiet. Reflective. I've started the book I was loaned, and it's quite insightful, if a little dated (it was written 20 years ago). The one big flaw I've seen so far is that it was very clearly written by two men who had never faced the often crushing expectations put on women to be the automatic helpers in a family, society, and at work; for a woman, the task is far too often not to reach out to others, but how to preserve some sense of herself as a separate entity. It's no accident that women, the "natural" helpers and caregivers, the compassionate ones, have higher rates of depression and anxiety than men, and are judged much more harshly for being angry, asserting themselves, or not automatically smiling no matter the provocation.

The chapter on dealing with burn-out is later in the book, and I hope the authors deal with that. If they don't, I'm certainly going to mention it to the author I've met, not to criticize, but to make him aware. It's not a huge flaw, but given that I've faced the "caregiver dilemma" myself and made what some would consider a cruel and wrong-headed choice, it's rather close to the bone for me.

Comments

[tena524.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear! I can certainly sympathise with the caregiver's dilemma, as I am learning the full meaning of the term 'sandwich generation' with a vengeance. I don't think I've hit burnout yet, but running away to Tahiti sounds better and better all the time. I think the part about the incredible expectation level that astounds me the most is how much of it comes from *other women*.

[ellid.livejournal.com]

What really got me about the situation with Betty was that she had a nephew who lived two hours away, three cousins who lived less than five miles away, and her nephew's daughter about ninety minutes north. Yet she demanded that the niece who lived six hundred miles away come down not to settle her in the local branch of Atria (which is absolutely gorgeous), but to live with her, giving up house, job, three-quarters of her possessions, her pets, and her opportunity for academic success.

And even though logically I know that I did the right thing by refusing, I still feel guilty as hell....